


Luster & Rust

by 21CrumbledShadows12



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotions, F/M, Matt the radar technician - Freeform, Romance, Sex, unexpected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 08:16:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6947203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21CrumbledShadows12/pseuds/21CrumbledShadows12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The chemical combination of oxygen transferred between two beings, this transfer causes them to oxidize, to rust together as one whole reaction. Terra never thought such a strong emotion and such an omnipotent individual could cloud her ability to live and breathe the force. He showed her that that is not the case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Luster

**Author's Note:**

> Probably very Mary Sue, you guys tell me what you think. I just felt the need to write and this was what came about. Matt the Radar Technician is involved.

**Part One**

Lust. It is not always based in appearance. Sometimes it is a strong passion, a strong rage, a connection. Lust can have no love, but all hatred. Sometimes it has all love. Sometimes it consumes you. I did not want it to consume me and since the first experience I had ever had relating to the omnipotent emotion, I was afraid. As fear was also associated with the dark side, I did not worry much for that.

Lust isn't an idea, it is a sin that can't be controlled. How random it is depends on the one experiencing it. And for me it was quite random. I was born on Corusant with a politician for a mother and a general for a father. They both associated themselves with the First Order, so it was expected so highly of my older brother and I to follow in their footsteps. We both went to cadet school and trained to become officers, but it was futile for my rebellious sibling. Needless to say he had more good in himself then I could ever have in a millennium.

  
He ran away to some foreign planet and grew a family of his own as a moisture farmer. I was young and resentful of him for this, he left me with parents who cared so little about my personal health and more about my personal status. For years I did my best to meet their expectations and for years I had, but eventually I was sent off to Starkiller base. My cousin was a General there, General Lupin Hux.

  
I was to be under his command, but slowly things started to change for me. I no longer aspired to follow the family tradition; become a politician, a military figurehead, a supreme leader. It was the day I had crossed paths with the Knights of Ren and had I not been so entranced I wouldn't have fallen into the chest of my commander. But even in that predicament of fear, I felt an unexplainable amount of lust. As soon as my eyes met his darkened visor I felt it, a pull towards the darkest side of my soul and he was that darkness.  
After that I wanted nothing more than to be a Knight of Ren, my training was sufficient in combat due to cadet school, but my confidence wained when I realized in order to be a Knight, one must be sensitive in the force. So I did not give up my dreams, but instead continued my worked under Hux and did my best to bring pride to my parent's faces. I told no one of my afflictions towards the family tradition of job occupations, but I didn't drop it either.

  
This idea consumed me, my personal training only grew to be more intense and eventually my emotions towards the matter amplified. I found myself quite angry one day, the lust still within me. It was the worst day to be moody as I couldn't control the unmistakable hatred I had towards any living, breathing individual that came my way. I can remember that my rage was ignited under the harmful words of a fellow officer. I myself had always tried to be professional, but the day continued and he followed me more often than not. I ignored him as best as I could, but something within me had snapped when he called me something rather vulgar.

  
"Slut." He hissed out, I had flinched at the word. Eyes shutting as I had felt a nauseating sensation roll from my stomache towards my fingertips. I did not think that perhaps my superiors were present on the bridge, that perhaps my actions would lead to consequences. I simply stopped working and then moments later he was on the ground, gasping for air, choking and writhing in pain. When I looked up, my cousin was there and beside him Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren. Shortly after that did he insist that I begin my training and shortly after that did my lust for him become severe.

  
If I were to try and control it, it would destroy me and although I have not voiced my worries to Master Ren, I seek  a different way to resolve my inner conflict.   
So now, I meditate a silky darkness engulfing the training room I sit in. My legs crossed and my back straight, my blue irises shielded from the world and my facial expressions soft, but in deep thought. I could barely recognize the reality of this emotion, it was so strong and it bothered me to such an extent that I couldn't comprehend its full power, that I couldn't understand it.

  
I wear the most comfortable clothing, a silk black tank top and shorts that ended mid-thigh. I still serviced my cousin as an officer, but my loyalties were sworn to my master. So my uniform would be discarded for these training sessions. I wait for my master to arrive, I feel the intense anticipation of his every state as he makes his way towards the module.   
His arrival is shortly after my loudest heartbeat, a sound so simple, but so painful that it nearly breaks my rib cage. And when he enters I feel this aura, it is so strong, so shaded and so dark. It allures me, it arouses me. Strands of my brown hair flaunt around my narrow cheeks and the draft in the room wisps them from the vision of my now open eyes.  
I do not greet him because he has not allowed me to speak and it is abstractly silent as he steps his way around me. He sits down before me and tries to reflect my positions, but his visor is blank. His emotions are blocked from my eternal view and I shall never know them. It is so painful, this emotion that I feel, this lust I cannot explain. I want to know him, to see him and touch him, to understand him.

  
I lower my head and force my eyes shut, trying to think about anything that doesn't have to do with these feelings. I whimper and his head shoots up, his mask hides his expressions, but I can see them.

  
"What bothers you?" His dubbed voice breaks the silence and I shiver, I do not raise my eyes and I do not speak. He has not allowed me to. "Speak."

  
"I do not understand this, sir. Could you help me?"

  
"Is it a..." His breath scratches under the mask. "A feeling?" His feelings are still so hidden, even his own apprehension cannot reveal them.

  
"Yes. One I have never felt before, but I worry that it is not an emotion of the dark side." my eyebrows furrow and my inner struggle is obvious.

  
"Tell me."

  
"Lust." I blurt it out, my body no longer in control.

  
"Lust is an emotion of the dark side, but it can be distracting. What do you lust after?"

  
"I would rather not say." I force myself to whisper, I whisper because I feel the need to yell and I fear it will be louder than my throat could bear. He knows? Does he? If he understood this... Horrible curse.

  
It is silent after that as we both meditate, today does not seem to be a day full of bruises and combat instruction. But I wish that it was. Even on those days I enjoy his touch, no matter how swiftly it may be. He stands up and towers over me with such power and intimidation. I respect him then, I would die for him.

  
"I have a mission to complete. I will be back by tomorrow morning, I expect you here before your next shift. Understood?"

  
"Yes, master."

  
"And this..." He waves his hand, fist clenching. "Lust." He spits it out, it is a hiss in the words of a monster. But I see no monster. "I want it gone by then."

  
"But how do I control it?" I knew I spoke out of turn, but it was this lust that clouded my mind. It was what brought me here in the first place.

  
"Face it. Whoever makes you this way, whatever makes you this way. Harness it or destroy it." He spoke as if from personal experience as if his lust was something he embraced, but who had he lusted over, who did he lust after. I knew not these things, but I did not need to know them. I would face this because I did not think myself strong enough to accept it.  
I mediated for a while longer before continuing my work day as an officer. There was little work for me to do that day do I pondered. I sat at my desk and dreamed of what it would be like to actually be involved with my master. It was frowned upon in the Knights of Ren, to crave the one who taught you. And I pitied myself because I had barely seen his face. Lust. It certainly did not depend on appearance.

  
The rest of the work period had bored me, so lunch was definitely my restitution. I sat down at a table to eat with the usual officers, but most of them had fled the table because of my reputation. It had been quite a while since anyone besides Bobby, an officer, and Marvin, a lower class storm trooper had attempted conversation with me. It was because they all feared that being my friend meant meeting expectations, that I would kill them if said expectations were not met. However, I tried to accept the friendship I received. I seated myself beside Bobby once I had gotten my food. Marvin was already half way through his, I was so snappy that I nearly called him a pig, but I tried to contain my emotions.

  
"Did you hear that your cousin might be homosexual?" Bobby asks, he scoops a spoonful of the horrible smelling macaroni and shovels it into his mouth.

  
"That is a stupid rumor going around. It annoys me, my cousin would never even look at a man in such a manner." I snidely say, he nods his head and looks down at his food.

  
"So how is training going with Crylo Ren?" I take a deep breath as these words leave Marvin's obnoxious and annoying lips.

  
"I am trying my best, but it is difficult nonetheless. I want to make him proud and he no crier, I can assure you." I say, in hopes that my own words will calm my rising temper.

  
"Yeah well..." He takes a bit from his piece of bread. "Everyone knows he has emotional distress."

  
"And you could hardly acknowledge what that really is." Bobby sighs and stops eating to rest a hand on my shoulder, he was always so sympathetic. Depending on my mood it made me sick, but other times I really valued his friendship.

  
"It's alright, Terra. I am happy that you are trying something new. Marvin just doesn't get it. Your family has never seen a force user before."

  
"Yes..." I give him an awkward smile, I could hardly remember the last time I smiled. But this smile was forced and it did not feel comfortable on my lips. "New." I finished and he returns to his food, I look down at mine. Suddenly not feeling so hungry for the buffet the kitchen has prepared for us today, the food makes my stomach knot and my nostrils cringe.

  
"Hello everyone. I am Matt!" A voice silences the room, it is deep and slightly hesitant. As soon as I raise my gaze to what appears to be an average Radar Technician, that Lust from earlier, within me, bubbles again. It boils and heats, simmers by the mere glance of him. I do not understand it, at one point I had associated it with my master, but now this man.  
My master did tell me embrace my lust or destroy it. I have a choice between killing this man or doing something different entirely. My stomach flips at the idea of it. He was new, he was oblivious, he would be the perfect target. If my lust has risen with him, then who was to say he wasn't the solution to it? I work on impulse and stand, waving a hand to Matt.

  
"Matt, come and sit with us." He had just gotten his food and glanced around cautiously before walking over to the table. Bobby nudged my arm in slight irritation, obviously radar technicians did not sit with Officers not stormtroopers. I ignore this and sit down again, Matt sitting across from me next to Marvin. Marvin gives him a critical look before scooting over, Matt look around at all of us and then his eyes stop on mine. I then realize I have been looking at him with a very dark gaze, I tear my eyes away and take a deep breath.

  
"I am..." I gulp, then raise my gaze back up to him. "Terra. This is Bobby and Marvin." I gesture to them, Matt nods his head a bit more than necessary.

  
"I am Matt." His voice isn't nervous, but instead forced and slightly off. I could care less at this point, the burning between my legs was extremely annoying and he seemed the only one to relieve that. I will not kill him, I will merely face this as Kylo would expect me to.

  
"So a radar technician, huh?" Bobby asks in between chews.

  
"Yeah." Matt replies, I pick at my good with my fork. "What do you guys think of Kylo Ren?" My eyes immediately find his, what an odd question? My master would certainly kill him if he knew of this man.

  
"He is her and our boss, so I guess you could say-"

  
"He is amazing." I interrupt Bobby, he glares over his shoulder at me before starting to pick at his food again. "I aspire to be like him one day." I shakily breathe exhalr because the very idea of it is eating my insides. I just want Kylo Ren, not this Radar Technician... Kylo Ren!

  
"Well... Look at the time." Marvin begins looking down at an invisible watch on his wrist. "I have to be somewhere."

  
"I think I do to." Bobby adds and both the men got up in unison and throw their trays away, walking off into the corridor.

  
"Do you want to fornicate with me?" I say and my cheeks turn red at the look he gives me, perhaps of disappointment. That would be the phrase that whores start their conversations with and I had just used it. "I mean it only in a manner to complete a task given to me by my master." Matt cocks his head to the side and his eyebrows furrow.

  
"What did your master tell you to do?"

  
"He told me to manage my lust and I cannot do that, nor can I destroy it. So I see this being the only option." Matt freezes and appears unresponsive. "I am sorry. I just thought since you were new and-"

  
"First you must tell me who is making you this way, then I will decide." I lower my head and the red in my cheeks travels down my neck. If he accepted this would be my first time, my first time ever being in bed with someone naked.

  
"You must not tell anyone..." I circle around the table and sit down beside him, slightly invading his personal space, he leans away from me. "Kylo Ren." I whisper, my breath heavy by the very name. "And I do not understand why." I nearly break out into sobs and I could have sworn I felt Matt caress my shoulder to comfort me. "It is not allowed for an apprentice to have relations with your master, but I cannot help the connection I feel with him. I figured you could help me because I feel this same connection with..." I closed my eyes, afraid of his expression need he hear the next few words. "You. With you I feel this lust and unlike my master I am too weak to control it." My eyes flutter open and I realize that his dark brown orbs are gazing into me. "If I tell my master he will kill me." I finished shakily and Matt looked away with a sigh, his hands in fists on either side of his lunch tray.

  
"It is against the rules to do this, but I will do it."


	2. Rust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt goes to your room as you had requested, but he finds out more about you then you fully intended him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be doing mini one shots after this so requests are appreciated. :)

**Part Two**

I feel so guilty relieving this inside itch in such an obscene way. With a stranger that I merely have some odd force sensitive sensation with him. Much like how I do with Kylo Ren and the pain of knowing that perhaps my master will find out... I shake the thought away, if her were to find out I will be punished permanently. It is not usual for a Knight of Ren to have sexual intercourse with another. In fact, it was once rumored that the Knights believed in abstinence as did the Jedi, but I do not believe this. I have seen the other Knoghts before and all of them carry a sexual appeal beyond what was described of them. Especially Kylo.

My heart flutters, perhaps I will think of him when Matt arrives. But will that not be something a whore would do? Suddenly the very thought of being Kylo's whore ran through my mind, I enjoyed this thought and relished in it, because despite it degrading my feminine conscious I knew that he would never do that to me in real life and being owned by him was a pleasant idea.

I had told Matt to arrive at eight after his shift, he should he be here very soon. I had prepared myself for him so that this may happen faster and easier for the both of us or it might have just been my undying excitement, the thrill of doing one of the naughtiest things I had ever done in my life. I was breaking character, breaking the standards that my parents had given me, the morals. I had stripped myself of my uniform, leaving my body to be covered by a lanky black silk bra and underwear. The only issue I might see obstructing the very path of this succeeding were the bruises and red scratches still fresh from the previous day's training. They still hurt me, but I did not mind. As said before serving the great Kylo Ren and being trained by him was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.

I sit down on the edge of my bed and wait, hoping that Matt will arrive soon. I have a strict bed time so that it will not be a hassle for morning training. I am to be in bed within the next two hours by Kylo's orders every night. Suddenly there is a knock at my door, I tense up completely. The idea of this suddenly not being as pleasing as it was previously.

"You may come in Matt." I mutter out, but loud enough for him to hear on the other side of the door. The metal door slides open and Matt is revealed, still in his technician clothing. He steps inside and the moment he sees me, his eyes widen. I do not know how these things go, so I start by standing and approaching him. He seems awe struck as if he had never seen a woman naked before. Which would be odd since nearly all of the First Order Employees at Starkiller were birthed on a First Order ran planet and it was made regulation by the senate that sexual education be taught at a young age. I raise my hands up and begin to unbutton his orange vest, his eyes are still moving up and down my body. "I have to be in bed before eleven. My master isn't so fond of lethargic training sessions , so I have to have my rest." He says nothing as I tug his orange vest off of him, he wasn't doing much to help. Was this how sex went? Then slowly his hands ascend towards my wrists and he grabs them, his hands are cold and shaky, the palms smooth and soft against my skin.

"Where did..." His tone first starts low and breathy, he clears his throat. "These come from?" His voice is stronger now, less affected and I couldn't see why it would be in the first place. My lust is by now toppling over, I am waiting to explode in rage, sadness, or something uncontrollably animalistic all together. He obviously was referring to the bruises, did they sicken him?

"They um-uh-" I stutter because I have no true reason to like these bruises other than the fact they were inflicted by him. By Ren. And if I am to defend them, Matt will think I am dreadfully insane. "Master Ren, his training is very intense. Sometimes he loses his..." My words trail as one of Matt's hands drop down to caress a very sensitive purple mark across my abdomen. I bite my bottom lip nervously, suddenly remembering that no one has ever seen me like this before. I want to rip his hand away, but then I see the expression on his face. The indent between his eyebrows, the direct gaze settling over my painted skin. I try to read his mind as my master had taught me, but he won't let me in. I raise my hand as he had risen his and I pressed my fingertip gently on his cheek, caressing down his jaw line and tenderly moving my thumb across his lip. "Do you worry for me? You hardly know me." I try not to seem tender in this moment because it nearly disgusts me. His eyes come up to meet mine and his other hand drops my other wrist to reflect the hand on abdomen, holding my hips in place so firmly, but so gentle and unintentionally pinning my joints to the air surrounding me.

"What do you think of Kylo Ren?"

"You had asked me already and I had-"

"No." He interrupts me, in which I should kill him, but the look in his eyes tells me otherwise. "Do you think he is noble? You say you lust for him, yet you have never seen his face and his actions towards you are callous. What insights you to feel such a strong emotion for him?"

"Because I cannot see him visually does not mean I cannot see him emotionally." I place my hand to cup his face and his jaw tightens.

"What do you see in him?"

"I see that he is hiding and that he is new to my way of life and sometimes..." I step away and stop when my legs hit the bed to sit down. "I feel things that he feels, but they are so fragile, so thin and wry. That I know he won't let me see anything else." Matt begins to continued unbuttoning his shirt.

"Have you ever done this before?"

"I have not."

"Lay back." I crawl up further onto my bed and lay back into the pillows as requested. I keep telling myself that this lust will diminish as soon as he is in me and we have both succeeded in climax. But this lust seems to drive deeper, deeper than I will ever understand. I watch as his muscular bare chest is revealed to me; it is so finely cut and trimmed to such perfection. I see scars and I wonder for a moment where they might have originated from, but the lust takes my mind before I can rationally wonder where they were from. He kicks off his shoes and begins to unbuckle his pants. My eyes flutter and I whimper, this feeling... This lust, it really hurt. It didn't hurt between my legs, but in my soul, in my heart, in my mind. I want to-No! Need to end this. The bed dips when Matt is down to his black boxers and he crawl his way over to me, stopping when his knees are between my legs and he sits back. "You will not touch my hair. It will take me forever to get it done again." He says and part of me feels it is an excuse, but I could care less. He removes his glasses, putting them on the end table and I realize how much they hide the true windows leading up to his soul.

"I want it so bad Matt. I don't know why." I close my eyes and turn my head away in shame, but then I feel feather light lips press again my cheek and move down my neck. His hands are placed on either side of my waist again and his thumbs caress there. I can't help, but think that this is not how Kylo Ren would have sex with me. And I feel like a void because it is hard to think of Kylo Ren, when it is Matt. His lips become more fierce, they trail down between my breasts where he roughly lifted my upper torso to remove my bra. My pink nipples peak and he groans as his eyes look upon them, I finally open mine to look at him.

"You are so beautiful." He says, looking up towards my flushed expression. One hand cups my left breast and it seems to overfill his gigantic palm. He leans down and takes the other between his lips licking and suckling at the nipple. My body tingles down below and my back arched up against his chest. The hand on my left breasts caresses up my neck and to the back of my head to grip at the hairs there. Things started to become more passionate, my lust pushing me to break the boundaries of what I had previously planned. I wrap my arms his neck and lean into his lips as they suckle upon my throat.

"Oh Matt." I moan out, this time as loud as I want because I am fully aware that my lust needs to be faced, that it needs to be set free. His lips then go up my throat and he nibbles at my chin, before our lips connect. It is such a jolt of electricity, such a jolt of shock that we both pull away. Still close enough to breath in each other's ragged breathes. He kisses me again, viciously, pressing his lips against me, hard enough to cave myself into the pillow. Just enough to distract me from the wandering hand, which has traveled beneath my panties. His finger prods my entrance, drifting up my soaked slit to touch the sensitive nub that has directed my physical lust. "I have never felt this way before." I murmur against Matt's lips and he tests his tongue against my own, I gasp when a finger draws slowly into my womanhood and he has invaded my mouth. He is gradually moving his finger in and out of my sex and I shiver with delight, the feeling is so foreign to me and the slight pain is so little that I hardly notice it. He grins his throbbing member against my thigh and I cry out, the Lust is still so strong. I cling to his shoulders to his chest and his lower back, feeling the scars that reside over his skin.

  He presses his forehead against mine and we kiss again, I moan wantonly and grind my hips up towards him. His breath retracted from my supply and he moves his lips to my ear.

"Your master would be very proud of you." He whispers and his hand leaves my sex, his bulge taking it place. "He would be so fucking proud of you." As the f-word left his lips, he thrusted harshly against my underwear. I shred my nails unintentionally across his shoulder blade and let out a yelp. He was so hard and long, I could feel him. I could feel all of him.

"Who is your master?"

"Kylo Ren." I whimpered, he pressed himself fully to me and began rocking his hips.

"Say it again!"

"Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren! Fuck me, please." He growls, leaning back on his knees and ripping my underwear off. Out breathes hitch in unison and he stares in my eyes as he rolls down his underpants. His hardened cock springs forward and my face contorts into pure need, eyebrows furrowing, lips parting into an o shape and I arch upwards. He presses the tip into me at a speed I feel comfortable with and slowly I begin to experience a burning sensation. He must feel it to because he groans and his eyes squeeze shut.

"You are so tight." My liquids slowly bring ease to his slight thrusting and when he is fully inside of me. He becomes more forceful. "So fucking sweet." He presses his chest flat against my breasts and grabs my thigh, lifting it up over his hip and penetrating deeper.

"Matt, please don't stop." I am feeling it, the lust and it is so tangible and it is in the form of him. I cup his cheek and bite my bottom lip as he thrusts faster into me. He thrusts so hard now and and I can't handle it. We move as one, his hands roaming my body as mine roam his. Sex was definitely not as defined in our anatomy books as it should be. It is described as something sequential and emotionless. It is far from it. This sentiment of Lust it has consumed me further, I am no longer present in any other emotion at this time. I can see he feels it too and I don't know how. But I can see it in the sweat coming down his face and matting his blonde hair. I can see it in his dark eyes and the dilation of arousal within them. The room isn't silent, I can see it within our moans and it comes to me. Sex is an intimate action, no matter with who you do it with, no matter what strange and I crave for this like a wanton whore. He has such control, staring into my eyes and waiting for me to cum so he can follow.

I have never felt an orgasm before, cadet school and so forth in my life had limited me from discovering my body and the things it liked the most. He seemed to know well what it liked, the thumb of his hand pressing against my clit and nearly shattering me there. But it was a build up, a process that drove me crazy. I didn't know what I was striving for until he slammed once more into me and I came undone as quickly as a shoe tied so poorly. He follows with a venomous groan and I hiss as his teeth bury unexpectedly into my neck. He leaves his mark. Matt the radar technician left his mark on me and what would my master think? Slut! That is what? I felt so angry with myself, even coming down from sexual high, even though the lust subsided. I begin to Rust under the confrontation within me. I have intimately had sex with a man who is unknown to me, a stranger. He lifts himself off of me and falls to the side, staring up at the ceiling.

"You regret this." It must be so evident that my anger fills the room after our passionate session. His cream dripping from between my legs as I sit up on the edge and clench my fists, staring down at them. "You hate me now."

"My master, he will not be pleased." I am panicking, hyperventilating and screaming from the inside out. "He will kill me. He will torture me. I am a whore! I gave myself to you! I barely know you!" He wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Kylo Ren will be pleased that you had tried your best to combat the lust inside you."

"You are only agreeing with this because you were capable of orgasming inside me. Because of pleasure you agreed." I have completely forgotten all those intimate emotions I had felt with him inside me. "Like a goddamned bucket used to hold soap water." I stand up taring away from Matt and turning to face him, a clear-white substance trickles down my thigh. "I am worthless. I am not worthy of being a Knight of Ren! Knights of Ren control their emotions better than I can control my own desires! I am a fucking-"

"Enough!" My mouth audibly shuts in shock, no one had ever ordered me around before. I blink at him a couple times to ensure that his tone, his anger was true, was real. He stands up from the bed, pulling his boxers up that still resides bunched at his thighs. He stops in front of me, towering over me and I cross my arms, averting my eyes. "I had a good time, but I think your master would rather have you go to sleep than stay up babbling about how worthless you are." He grabs my chin and lifts it up, I lean exhausted against his body and he presses his lips to mine. Our lips pull away like suction cups, never wanting to let go of the thing they are attached to. "You are not worthless to me." He steps away and gets dressed, it doesn't take him long, the last thing being his glasses. He glances over at me, still standing beside the bed. "Good night." He says, eyes scanning by nude body one last time before disappearing out the door.

"Good night." I whisper back, then fall onto my bed and pull my covers over my body. It felt cold without him. It felt cold without Matt. It wasn't Kylo Ren anymore. It was Matt. I wanted Matt.

* * *

 

    The next day I had woken up earlier than usual for training, my lust was gone, but the guilt I felt was a new sensation. I figure that after training I would go to meet Matt and ask him properly if he would like to be with me on a much more generous level of relationship status. To date a Radar Technician in my family would be frowned up, but it was much better than being forced to court a politician of my father's choosing whence I returned home. The training room was not empty. Kylo Ren sat in the center, mediating and I worried I might have startled him.

"Come in, Terra." He had never said my name before, he had always referred to me as underling, cadet, apprentice. Never my name. The aura of the room was lighter, but Kylo Ren was always angry and resentful, it was what fueled his power. So it still remained. I sat down in front of him and patiently waited for his training to begin. He rose his head up, the mask so blank this time around, so dull. "You no longer feel the emotion of lust?" I nervously wrought my hands, waiting for him to nod my right to reply. If he were to find out, I would surely be executed. "You may speak."

"Only slightly now, master."

"Good, then you have passed." My eyes snap up with consternation and I shake my head.

"Excuse me."

"I have trained you as my apprentice and now you are a Sith. Your initiation into the Knights will be soon, but for that you must complete another task."

"Master..." I took a deep breath. "I do not understand. What have I done to complete my training?"

"The power of emotion is what fuels us. Every Knight, every Sith has a different connection to theirs. And although you can still feel lust, you have controlled it. In this you can use it as an ability, as a power."

"What about you? Have you felt lust before, master?"

"I feel it everyday, like I feel anger and hate. I have many emotions to fuel my energy and my connection with the dark side, but you have found your own emotion and that is what makes you stronger. Snoke will wish to speak with you, he will determine if you are ready to be a knight and he will say that you are."

"Master, I must tell you how I have sated this emotion. You will not be proud of me." Kylo sighed and reached up, pressing the buttons on his mask to release it with a hiss. His black hair falling perfectly around his face in curly locks. His dark eyes boring into mine as I had recognized them the night before. I could hardly contain my heart, my inner struggle to determine the lust that was soon rising in me again and the... Rage? I was angry with him and I knew why, but understanding why was the worst part. His features were like Matt's, his height, his body, his lips, and expressions. This man was no stranger to me. My lips tightened into a line and teeth clenched. "You don't have to tell me, I already know."

"Was this your plan the entire time?!" I yelled at him, slamming my fists against the metal ground and lifting myself up. He stared straight ahead nonchalantly, no reaction to my flurry of irritation.

"No. We were not meant to do what we did, nor were we meant to meet while I was undercover."

"But you came to me regardless. I felt so alive with Matt, what he said to me, what you said to me when we were done. I felt normal for once. The lust had subsided because it wasn't lust, it was love!" I stomped back and forth across the floor in front of him, he placed his helmet down with a clunk.

"I had expected you to solve this on your own, but when I realized your lust was not for someone else, but for me..." He closed his eyes and his face broke its stoicism. "Sit down." I could not disobey my master, so I complied and sat before him with my knees crossed. "The moment I met you, I felt a strong connection and the lust within me was so mute at one point that I had no way of controlling its outburst when you had bumped into me." He opened his eyes and took a deep breath. "I knew you were a force user by then, before you had choked that officer to near death. And I felt obsessed over you. I had talked to leader Snoke and he insisted that I wait to reveal my want for you until you were stronger." His fist clenched and his gloves made a squeak under his strength. "I watched you because I wanted you. Yesterday was a mistake, but today won't be, nor tomorrow or the day after. You are mine now."

"So you are no longer my master?"

"I am still your master, but consider this a way of saying we can do whatever we want to one another and I will take advantage of that." I blushed a deep red and for once in a long time, I smiled comfortably, I smiled because... Well... I can't really say. He didn't return the smile, instead picking up his helmet and putting it back on. "So you will be at my quarters every night after your shift, which should be four hours before your bed time." The helmet was fully on again. "Are we understood?" His dubbed voice added and I nodded my head, fiddling with my thumbs.

"What will we be doing for training today, master?"


End file.
